Things Went Left
This is one of those stories that is hard to write. I have no idea where to start, much less what direction this entry should take.
There are too many dramatic elements.
Nudity, guns, Disney characters, a mysterious turd and genital research of both black and elderly persons. If this gets away from me, as I am afraid it might, the one thing I want you to take away from this is please, please PLEASE take care of your vagina!
What may not be a normal weekend for some groups of women, is very commonplace for me and my Rats. We loaded up in The Virgin's truck and left on a Friday afternoon so we could participate in a 5k inflatable race on Saturday morning. What should have taken about two and a half hours, took us nearly five. Stops for booze, snacks and restroom breaks, both #1 and #2.
Bourbon B, who clearly needs to get out more, informs our driver, The Virgin, that beyond finding the house we have rented for the night, she would also like to locate a Pit bull, a prostitute and a gang fight; and from the looks of the neighborhood, The Virgin should be able to accommodate. We are not worried for our safety because Bourbon is carrying and is regularly discharging noxious gas, much to the dismay of the other backseat passengers, Princess and Herb.
The home we have rented for the evening beckons to us with a bright purple light that is glowing from inside. My Rats and I unload and enter, trying to remain optimistic. I don't know what we were worried about - the place was perfect - had we been a group of pre-pubescent girls. Actually, based on the maturity of this group, the Disney-themed decor, was probably ideal.
We decide we are going to need more booze and probably some breakfast items. We load back in the truck and opt for the one-stop-shop convenience of a Meijer, and the armed security officer at the door reminds us that we are not in Kansas anymore. After procuring our booze and waffles, in one of her outbursts, Bourbon B informs us that, according to her very white husband, black men are not better endowed than other races. They are "showers not growers".
As I feel that maybe Bourbon B's husband is offering biased information, I promptly consult Google. I share all kinds of photos with the other Rats in an effort to gain definitive resolve. Some of the photos are interesting but most of them are truly disturbing. It is here where the investigation spins out of control as Herb takes over the research.
We arrive back at our Disney Bungalow and take the inquest to the back yard. Somewhere, and I am not clear when, the search moved from the genitalia of the black male to that of the elderly. Here is where things went horribly left. These photos - these horrible grotesque photos of real life vaginal decline have scarred me.
I have been diligently kegeling since my return to small town America and I will continue to do so.
